I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
