Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
