Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
