What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is Oprah even human
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
