Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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