I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
