Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
