we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He kissed a someone with a penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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