It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
