it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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