While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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