dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
