I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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