i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
