Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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