NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
