I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
