Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
