11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
