I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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