There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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