Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
