i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize