Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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