i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
