A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
