5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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