she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
