I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
