so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my being single is dangerous.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
