so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
