shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
