I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
