A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize