When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize