I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
