Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
