He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
