the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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