Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
