I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
