i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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