EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We have started to decorate penises.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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