Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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