your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
