I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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