these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
