He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize