...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
