she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize