Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
