i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
