You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
