Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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