Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
