I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
