we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
