It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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