Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
