I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want a musical about memes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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