He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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