I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
