no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
