I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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