I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
