My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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