where am i from again
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
