well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize