yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
