can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
MIDGETS
????
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
