She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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