That's intense
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
