i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
