She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
