There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
