So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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