Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
