Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
