I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
two words: eviction party
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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