hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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