if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
