You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
